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Complications with the opposite sex in LL | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| Solfrid Cristin Heptaglot Winner TAC 2011 & 2012 Senior Member Norway Joined 5146 days ago 4143 posts - 8864 votes  Speaks: Norwegian*, Spanish, Swedish, French, English, German, Italian Studies: Russian | Message 33 of 50 25 October 2011 at 4:53pm | IP Logged | |||||
You are right that there is a difference, I had not thought of it from that angle. Still don't think I will go: "Hi, I am Cristina, your new language partner, and I don't want a relationship with you". You may be man enough not to be offended by that, Arekkusu, but I bet most men would have been very uncomfortable at such a start. Hell, I would have been uncomfortable if a man said that to me, even if he was the last man on the planet I would have considered dating. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5038 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 34 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:18pm | IP Logged | |||||
Exactly, it'd be one of those WTF?!? moments. In the same vein, central to the thread so far, a German girl once sent me a message along the lines of 'I don't want to go on with this because I think you are/were trying to hit it on me. It's always the same with men.' After the inevitable WTF moment I concluded that either I must have soid/done something to break some cultural tabu or something, or she was nuts. Fortunately another German female friend of mine with whom I discussed the case quickly dispelled my doubt: she probably was nuts. But hey, isn't spotting them nuts half the fun? ;) 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5193 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian | Message 35 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:29pm | IP Logged | |||||
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"Before we begin working together, I have to be clear on one point though: I've had negative experiences in the past with male language partners who were looking for romantic relationships, so I feel it's important to make it clear from the start that I'm not looking for romance, but for a language partner."
There. Is that a "WTF?!? moment"? It's a heck of a lot better than "I refuse to work with you because you are a man". 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| leosmith Senior Member United States Joined 6362 days ago 2365 posts - 3804 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Tagalog | Message 36 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:38pm | IP Logged | |||||
I'd drop her in favor of someone without a chip, unless nobody else was available. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5193 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian | Message 37 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:51pm | IP Logged | |||||
I'd rather be told that than wait forever because no woman dares answer my ad. Solfrid started this thread not because she "has a chip", but because it's a real concern for many women. Edited by Arekkusu on 25 October 2011 at 6:10pm 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| mrwarper Diglot Winner TAC 2012 Senior Member Spain forum_posts.asp?TID=Registered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5038 days ago 1493 posts - 2500 votes Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2 Studies: German, Russian, Japanese | Message 38 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:57pm | IP Logged | |||||
That's not WTF. It's exactly what I'd expect from someone reasonable: you'll be doing something that can come across as weird, but you have a reason for that, so you state it. It's doing weird things out of the blue what triggers WTF reactions. We all should realize that just as other's motives to their actions may not be clear to us, ours might not be clear to them either. I think It's better to always try and clarify first. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| leosmith Senior Member United States Joined 6362 days ago 2365 posts - 3804 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Tagalog | Message 39 of 50 25 October 2011 at 5:59pm | IP Logged | |||||
I agree with Solfrid that the solution isn't to give a speech about not wanting to get involved. I've had hundreds of language partners, and nobody ever gave me such a warning. If nobody answers your ad, you need to rewrite it. 1 person has voted this message useful | ||||||
| Arekkusu Hexaglot Senior Member Canada bit.ly/qc_10_lec Joined 5193 days ago 3971 posts - 7747 votes Speaks: English, French*, GermanC1, Spanish, Japanese, Esperanto Studies: Italian, Norwegian, Mandarin, Romanian, Estonian | Message 40 of 50 25 October 2011 at 6:10pm | IP Logged | |||||
I suppose it's a matter of luxury. I live in a city where potential partners are hard to come by. Almost all of my female partners commented at some point (after several meetings) that they had initially hesitated before answering, and it's certainly not because of my ad - 1) they said the same thing although none of them answered the same ad, 2) I tend to be quite precise about the type of exchange it will be and how motivated I am to learn, so I highly doubt I came across as a high risk. Nevertheless, I have no idea how many women didn't answer because they'd prefer to meet a woman. If your ultimate point is that this is those women's problem and I shouldn't waste time fretting over it, then I agree, but being a man still reduces my chances of finding a partner and I wish that weren't the case, so I'd gladly take any speech about whatever chip they may have on their shoulders. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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