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Speaking a Foreign Language in a Group | ||
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 Language Learning Forum : General discussion |  | |
| rj123 Newbie Canada Joined 4538 days ago 6 posts - 6 votes | Message 1 of 46 17 December 2011 at 9:39pm | IP Logged |
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Here is the scenario, please give me your feedback.
You are at someones home for a dinner party and all together there are 8 people (4 couples), we all live in a country where English is the first language. 7 of the 8 people speak a different first language but all are fluent in English. These 7 people speak the foreign language between themselves almost 100% of the time all evening long. 1 is it rude? 2 what do you do as the 8th person? Now I do realize when I speak to one of them in English they reply in English but I am essentially cut-out of all the rest of the conversations. I can never listen in and find a place to contribute my thoughts. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and bored. I find it rude and offensive. My girlfriend, who is friends with these people thinks it is no big deal and it should not bother me. To me it just seems like common sense to speak a language everyone understands, I do understand it might be a habit for them but I still don't think it is polite to exclude one person from the conversations all night. What would you do? 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| caam_imt Triglot Senior Member Mexico Joined 4674 days ago 232 posts - 357 votes  Speaks: Spanish*, EnglishC2, Finnish Studies: German, Swedish | Message 2 of 46 17 December 2011 at 9:53pm | IP Logged |
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I have been in the same situation before, and I find it quite disrespectful/rude. I would
try to continue talking in English in order to "subtly" persuade them to try also. On the other hand, you should not take it so seriously. I sincerely doubt that they are trying to exclude anybody, they are just lazy or perhaps they think that some of their conversations are kind of private in nature. 2 persons have voted this message useful | |
| WentworthsGal Senior Member United KingdomRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 4700 days ago 191 posts - 246 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Swedish, Spanish | Message 3 of 46 17 December 2011 at 9:57pm | IP Logged |
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I think I would feel the same way that you do. Perhaps try to speak to your girlfriend again and make sure she realises how upsetting it is to you. Alternatively when in the same situation again, you could try and make a joke of it and say something like "hey dude, come on, I've got loads of funny/cool/witty/clever things to say but I don't know when to say them coz I can't understand you". I'm sure you can think of something much better to say than that lol, but I'm sure you get the idea of making a point without making them feel bad or embarrassed - they genuinly might not have realised that they were leaving you out...
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| strikingstar Bilingual Tetraglot Senior Member United States Joined 4985 days ago 292 posts - 444 votes Speaks: English*, Mandarin*, Cantonese, Swahili Studies: Spanish, Arabic (Written) | Message 4 of 46 17 December 2011 at 10:12pm | IP Logged |
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Were they speaking French? Was it a private conversation?
I offer three (unproven) strategies for handling the situation. 1) If you cared enough, you could make it known that you would like to be included in the conversation. If you want to be tactful, you could play it out as a joke or a lighthearted affair. Tell them your girlfriend has been trying to teach you the language (regardless of whether its true or not) but you're just hopeless at it (again, regardless of whether its true or not). Then tell them you're really interested in what they're saying and would like to join in their conversation. Play it cool. 2) Start a (loud) conversation with one of them in English (maybe your girlfriend). Get them talking in English. With any luck, others would join in in English as well and voila, no one's speaking the foreign language anymore. 3) Bask in the awesomeness of being surrounded by the foreign language. Learn as much as you can. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| microsnout TAC 2010 Winner Senior Member Canada microsnout.wordpress Joined 5283 days ago 277 posts - 553 votes Speaks: English* Studies: French | Message 5 of 46 17 December 2011 at 10:16pm | IP Logged |
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Yes I would say it is rude but it also shows the strong tendency people have to socialize in their native language
and why people who argue that there is no need to study a foreign language because "people will just switch to English" are wrong. As the person left out it is up to you to learn their language to fit in. As for what I would do, I think I would either take advantage of the opportunity to study the language or if not interested I would wander into another room of their house and browse bookshelves or TV or something to give them the hint. 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| yaboycon Groupie United Kingdom Joined 4547 days ago 40 posts - 50 votes Speaks: English* Studies: Spanish, Russian | Message 6 of 46 17 December 2011 at 10:20pm | IP Logged |
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I was always told and have always thought it is rude. They are excluding you from the conversation and the know that you cannot speak whatever language it is. So in a way they are knowingly excluding you from the conversation. They are being a bit inconsiderate. Especially if this lasts a long time.
I was in a similar situation on 2 occasions. However both times the people involved stopped after a few minutes to apologise and asked if I could understand them and if they should speak in English. If they all have the ability to speak in English then I would say it is kind of rude in most cases to exclude you. The only solution would be to bring it up with your girlfriend or maybe try to start a conversation in English. How well do you know these people? How often do you talk to them? Do you get on well with them? Out of interest what is the language? Are you learning it or do you have any plans to learn it? 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| rj123 Newbie Canada Joined 4538 days ago 6 posts - 6 votes | Message 7 of 46 17 December 2011 at 10:51pm | IP Logged |
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Thanks for all the feedback so far. I have mentioned it to my girlfriend on many occasions and she has said it to these friends in private and in front of me. I find it embarrassing that they have to be convinced to do what I consider a common courtesy.
At this point I think they probably feel some resentment that I have implied they are rude, so they don't appear to make much effort. From my side I feel they are being rude or at the very least inconsiderate. "Were they speaking French? Was it a private conversation? " Not French and I suppose some of the conversations are private but all of them continue for the entire evening so they would not all be private. strikingstar thanks for the positive reply, I am not that outgoing so those strategies would not work for me. I do understand 'bits-and-pieces' of the language but not enough to join in. Plus this group has been friends for years and I am a newcomer. Edited by rj123 on 17 December 2011 at 11:01pm 1 person has voted this message useful | |
| aabram Pentaglot Senior Member Estonia Joined 5345 days ago 138 posts - 263 votes Speaks: Estonian*, English, Spanish, Russian, Finnish Studies: Mandarin, French | Message 8 of 46 17 December 2011 at 10:55pm | IP Logged |
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Ask your girlfriend why do they want you to be with them if none of them wants to speak
to you? As I understand these are your girlfriends friends? Why does she even bother to ask you with her if she, knowing that you understand nothing, will let you sit ignorant of the discussions whole night? I really cannot comprehend the logic behind it. Yes, I've been in similar situation and yes, I think it's rude. Next time bring a book with you. 1 person has voted this message useful |
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