Solfrid Cristin Heptaglot Winner TAC 2011 & 2012 Senior Member Norway Joined 5129 days ago 4143 posts - 8864 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, Spanish, Swedish, French, English, German, Italian Studies: Russian
| Message 1 of 6 31 May 2012 at 7:36pm | IP Logged |
I have recently gotten to know two Russian women, who I think may both become great friends of mine. I have just met them 2-3 times each, but they are really nice and friendly, and good fun. They have however both said something which puzzles me, and I wanted to se if this was a common thing in Russia.
My husband and I decided to make a trip to St Petersburg. When one of them heard that, she said "Oh, but we can go together, when are you going?" We had not quite decided yet, and anyway this was meant to be the first week in 16 years that my husband and I would go away together alone on a holiday, so I just explained that the date was not fixed yet, and changed the subject.
A couple of days ago I met my other Russian friend, I told her that we had ordered a trip to St. Petersburg, and she went: "But you should have told me so we could have planned it together! Now I may not be able to make it on the days you have chozen!"
What am I not getting here?
Is this some Russian version of the old custom in Hawaii, whereby if you praised someone's posession, he had to give it to you? Do Russians feel obligated to accompany you if you visit Russia?
In Norway you would not normally plan a holiday with someone unless you knew them very well, and I was a little out of my depth as to how to react. Was I supposed to say "Oh no, you do not have to", or what?
They are both great, so I am sure I would have had a blast had I gone with either one of them, but it was so unexpected, and outside the norm (and what my husband would have accepted) that I am still quite bewildered.
Can anyone explain this to me?
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Serpent Octoglot Senior Member Russian Federation serpent-849.livejour Joined 6392 days ago 9753 posts - 15779 votes 4 sounds Speaks: Russian*, English, FinnishC1, Latin, German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese Studies: Danish, Romanian, Polish, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Croatian, Slovenian, Catalan, Czech, Galician, Dutch, Swedish
| Message 2 of 6 31 May 2012 at 8:24pm | IP Logged |
Not this, no. Do they live in Norway? For me travelling is something difficult to arrange, and I generally don't know when I'm coming to the same place next time, so if I could've met someone but don't, it feels like a wasted opportunity. I'm also ready to change my plans as much as possible for the sake of this, so I'm upset if this isn't mutual/if I don't feel like the other person wants to spend time with me as much as I want it.
For example if someone frequents a certain location, imo the most natural thing to do if you go there is to tell them as early as possible, especially if they are probably going there anyway "some time in summer" and it would take very little effort to schedule it for the time that would make it possible to meet.
Really, the only thing that puzzles me is that they live in Norway, afaiu. The joys of the united Europe are open to them, and you can meet them without going to Russia.
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Solfrid Cristin Heptaglot Winner TAC 2011 & 2012 Senior Member Norway Joined 5129 days ago 4143 posts - 8864 votes Speaks: Norwegian*, Spanish, Swedish, French, English, German, Italian Studies: Russian
| Message 3 of 6 31 May 2012 at 8:49pm | IP Logged |
Yes, this is what I find puzzling too. Of course, if they had lived in Russia, but perhaps in another city, like Moscow, then it would have made sense to me. I would have made plans to meet up, and tried to plan ahead, but since they are living 5 and 35 minutes from my home, respectively, I am utterly confused. As I said they are both lovely, and I really appreciate the kindness their offers are proof of, it is just that in my context it is overwhelming.
I am the sort of person who are willing to go a long way for my friends too, and I often invite people who are practically strangers to my home, but a trip to a foreign country involves so much time and expenses, that I would normally think it through extremely carefully before I offered to do that for someone I have met 2-3 times. Are Russians just extraordinary kind and willing to help?.
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Serpent Octoglot Senior Member Russian Federation serpent-849.livejour Joined 6392 days ago 9753 posts - 15779 votes 4 sounds Speaks: Russian*, English, FinnishC1, Latin, German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese Studies: Danish, Romanian, Polish, Belarusian, Ukrainian, Croatian, Slovenian, Catalan, Czech, Galician, Dutch, Swedish
| Message 4 of 6 31 May 2012 at 9:11pm | IP Logged |
Well, they were probably going to spend some time in Russia anyway, weren't they? Even if not, I'm sure they just feel like it's something easy for them, something they're always open for. They would've also loved to show you their favourite places in St Petersburg, and to make sure you never have to pay the tourist price :)
And yes... we're kind and willing to help! :-D
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Chung Diglot Senior Member Joined 6951 days ago 4228 posts - 8259 votes 20 sounds Speaks: English*, French Studies: Polish, Slovak, Uzbek, Turkish, Korean, Finnish
| Message 5 of 6 31 May 2012 at 9:54pm | IP Logged |
Serpent wrote:
Not this, no. Do they live in Norway? For me travelling is something difficult to arrange, and I generally don't know when I'm coming to the same place next time, so if I could've met someone but don't, it feels like a wasted opportunity. I'm also ready to change my plans as much as possible for the sake of this, so I'm upset if this isn't mutual/if I don't feel like the other person wants to spend time with me as much as I want it.
For example if someone frequents a certain location, imo the most natural thing to do if you go there is to tell them as early as possible, especially if they are probably going there anyway "some time in summer" and it would take very little effort to schedule it for the time that would make it possible to meet. |
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I get this every year since I always look forward to seeing people in several cities. I don't get much time for vacation (about 3 weeks per year which is decent by American standards but criminal by European standards) and always need to consider the desire to discover new places or revisit friends. Few things annoy me more than when I try to arrange something with friends in their hometowns a while before my planned arrival only to get no response or such a late response that I've already left their town or have had to stick to alternative plans (usually because of limitations on tickets) even though the alternative plans sometimes turn out to be rather disappointing too.
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Teango Triglot Winner TAC 2010 & 2012 Senior Member United States teango.wordpress.comRegistered users can see my Skype Name Joined 5351 days ago 2210 posts - 3734 votes Speaks: English*, German, Russian Studies: Hawaiian, French, Toki Pona
| Message 6 of 6 31 May 2012 at 11:13pm | IP Logged |
Solfrid Cristin wrote:
Is this some Russian version of the old custom in Hawaii, whereby if you praised someone's posession, he had to give it to you? |
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This sounds promising (lol)! I have a good mind to start praising everything from the moment I set foot there (if I'm lucky enough to get through all the paperwork first).
Edited by Teango on 31 May 2012 at 11:15pm
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